Close
by Kaisa
Summary: Fai and Sakura confide in each other. Fai wishes he didn't have to do this to Kurogane. some KuroFai, but nothing too strong.


Whoohoo, thanks to dreamsengraved (who must be my favorite person right now, lol), this is the next story I'll be posting! This story takes place in volume 18, before the gang leaves Tokyo. There will, indeed, be spoilers from the Tokyo arc. If you haven't made it that far yet, then you better stop right now because you'll be traumatized and wondering what the hell happened to everyone in Tokyo.

Yet another warning I should give is this: Though it's not very pronounced, there is KuroFai in this story. If you don't like that, I'm sure you could still read it and ignore it. But then again, maybe I'm wrong. Heh. The only real reason this is rated T is because of the KuroFainess.

Other than that, the only thing you need to be 'warned' about is angst.

And I don't own Tsubasa!

Oh, and I use 'hime' for Sakura, meaning princess, and I also used "Kami-sama" in this story, which means "God".

And one last note. Last time, in Unrest, I spoke about the FYE store always reminding me of Fai because it's one of the alternate spellings for Fai. So the other day, I was also reminded of Fai because of the tropical storm "Fay". lol.

Okay, i'm done rambling. Please enjoy.

* * *

"Sakura-chan, please rest well," Fai said softly to the nearly asleep princess. "I am so relieved that you are okay."

Sakura managed a weak smile. "You get some rest too, Fai-san."

"I'll try."

Sakura nodded at him and let her eyelids close, falling asleep in moments.

Fai let out a long sigh and slumped to the floor beside the princess's bed, leaning his back up against the side of it. He _was_ tired—exhausted, actually—but… He couldn't sleep… It was nearly impossible.

"How is she?"

Fai glanced up to see Kurogane. "She'll be okay. She'll obviously have to take it slow, especially on that leg, but…" He glimpsed at the sleeping girl once more. "She's okay." He let out a relieved breath. "Thank goodness," he whispered. He paused for a long time, licking his lips. "But…it doesn't mean that it was okay for you to let her go collect the price like that."

Kurogane shook his head. "That doesn't matter now. She's okay. The price is paid. _That's_ all that matters."

Fai glared at him. It almost hurt his face to do so, but it hurt his soul more. "No. No, it _does_ matter. She could have been _killed_ out there. You or Syaoran would have been a lot better off if either of you went. I will never forgive you for this."

Kurogane was silent for a moment, then, "She wanted to do it herself. I trusted her."

"You're _hilarious,_" Fai scoffed at him.

Kurogane bit his tongue. He hated this. He didn't like this new Fai. He didn't know how it happened. Was it because of the trauma of losing his eye? Was it becoming a vampire? Or was it simply because Kurogane had cared enough to save his life? The ninja could make a million guesses, but still wouldn't know for sure. But every time he spoke with this new Fai—this new, no-nick-names, glaring, one-eyed, cold, distant Fai—something inside him broke. He felt this emotion—an emotion he had never felt before. He didn't know what it was, or what to call it. Maybe it was close to regret, or sadness. It was painful, whatever it was.

"But…if you ever put the hime in danger like that again…" Fai stared at him with a fierce yellow eye. "I'll kill you myself. Don't you ever forget that, Kurogane."

Kurogane forced himself not to flinch at the sound of his own name. How could the sound of his own name hurt so much? "You're an idiot," he told the mage.

Fai's eyebrows rose. "Maybe, but then again, maybe not." He shook his head. "Just-just leave me be. I don't want to look at you."

Kurogane wanted to say something back to him—to scream and yell and make him back into what he used to be. But there was something holding him back. That emotion, that scary, sad, remorseful emotion. What _was_ it? So instead, he walked off, seeking solitude.

Fai glared after him until he was out of sight. Once he was sure Kurogane was long gone, he let his head drop and began to shake uncontrollably. This was so much harder than he had thought.

_I am such an idiot,_ he thought, hot tears streaming down his face. _I am such an idiot!_ He ran his hands through his long hair, stopping at the top of his head and taking fists full of hair. He tired to stop shaking, but his body wouldn't listen to him. He tried to stop crying, but the muffled sobs still broke through. _I hate myself!_ he screamed in his mind, squeezing his eyes shut, forcing out more tears.

"Fai-san? Are you okay?"

Fai brought a teary eye up to see Sakura worriedly observing him. "Um…," he breathed, trying to force a smile to reassure her.

She frowned at him. "I heard everything. How did things get so bad between you and Kurogane-san?"

Fai bit his lip. "I…I can't…I can't be close to Kurogane anymore. I can't…"

"But…you say you can't… But you still want to be close with him, don't you."

Fai buried his head into Sakura's bed and began to sob again. "I-I-I can't stand this! I want-I want to be close with him…so badly… But…" He felt his shoulders begin to shake. "Now I have to be cruel to him to make him stay away from me… But…it's better off that way… We can't ever be close. Never again. I was an idiot for letting us get close the first time…"

Sakura ran her hand through his hair, letting it rest on his head. She didn't really understand, but she didn't ask Fai why. He needed comfort, not questions. "Fai-san…"

"I have to do this… But it hurts me so much… It _rips_ my heart into millions of pieces… And what's even _worse_, I can tell that this is hurting him too. If I was just smart enough to stay away from him in the beginning, I wouldn't have to hurt him now! I-I just got way too close…just way too close…"

Sakura sat up, scooting over to the edge of the bed and lifting Fai's head to let it rest in her lap. "It's okay," she soothed, stroking his head slowly. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this."

Fai wished he could stop the tears, but they still fell. "Hime…hime…I think…I think I-I…" More tears welled up. "I think I _loved_ him."

Sakura's own eyes began to well up with tears and she carefully rested her own head on Fai's. "Then…then I know exactly how you feel… To lose someone you love. But…but there's hope…there _has_ to be some hope!"

Fai didn't want to sadden the princess any further, so he didn't respond.

"If there is any hope for me and Syaoran-kun… Then there must be hope for you and Kurogane-san too!"

Fai let out a small laugh. "Even if my reasons for staying away from him were erased, Kurogane will never be able to love me."

"But, Fai-san…"

"You might not understand this, Hime, but…he can't love me. Not after all the sins that I've committed. I don't deserve to be loved by anyone…and definitely not him. He can find someone much better. He deserves that much."

"Fai-san…I truly think that the best person for Kurogane-san is _you_. No matter what you might have done in your past. I'm sure that one day…" She trailed off.

Fai closed his eye. "One day…," he repeated slowly. He hated himself for trying to have hope. There was no reason for it. He sighed. "Until then, I guess we have to lean on each other, ne, Hime?"

She smiled. "I suppose that's all we can do right now."

"Sakura-hime, you're all I have left now. So please…don't…don't…please don't leave me, okay?"

She brought his face up to look at him. "Fai-san, I will never leave you. You will never be alone."

Fai felt himself shaking in relief. "Thank you…thank you very much… You have no idea how much that means to me." He brought his arms up and around the princess, hugging her tightly.

* * *

"Um, Kurogane-san…"

Kurogane looked up to see Syaoran nervously walking into the room, Mokona on his shoulder. "Yeah?" he replied.

"Um…I just…uh…I was just wondering if everyone was really okay with me coming along."

"Yeah…sure…why not?"

"I'm sorry… I just feel almost like I'm intruding… And after what happened with the other me…" Syaoran looked down. "I'm just sorry…"

"Why do you keep apologizing?"

"If I hadn't been captured… If I had just been _strong_ enough, I could have prevented everything from happening." Syaoran shook his head. "Even when I _was_ captured and my clone was made, everything was okay until I came. Everyone was happy."

"But that's not Syaoran's fault!" Mokona protested.

Kurogane paused for a long time. "You say that you could have prevented this whole journey from happening."

Syaoran nodded. "Yes."

"I…I think…it's okay that you let it happen. I think it was good for everyone to go on this journey, no matter if this Fei-Wang guy planned it all." He looked away. "Yeah, a lot of it was a huge pain…but……it wasn't that bad. I met some good people…"

"Like Fai-san?" Syaoran asked tentatively.

Kurogane met his gaze for a split second before tearing his eyes away. "Him?" He bit his lip. Now whenever he pictured Fai in his mind, he saw him with his fakest smile yet, saying, "Good morning…Kurogane". He knew what Fai was before—that silly idiot who hid way too much. He was still the same, but…different. Before, they seemed…_closer_. And now Kurogane found it so hard to remember when they were close. And even though he could be a complete fool, Fai still cared so much about the kids… That was a good thing…

"Yeah, I guess," he finally answered.

Syaoran nodded slowly. "I see."

"But, kid, it doesn't really matter what happened in the past. You're coming along with us because you can help. You have the same kind of goal. And we have a common enemy. That's good enough for me."

Syaoran bowed. "Thank you. I'll do my best."

"Good. Mokona is happy that Syaoran is coming with us." Mokona spoke up. He then yawned loudly. "But Mokona is _so_ tired!"

"Okay. Let's get some rest," Syaoran replied with a smile.

"Mokona wants to sleep next to Sakura. Sakura needs to be cheered up!"

"Okay."

Kurogane stood. "I'll come too. I want to see how those bandages are holding up.

Syaoran nodded, and they both left.

* * *

It only took a minute to get to Sakura's room. The moment Syaoran and Kurogane entered the room, they saw Sakura lying on her bed. Fai was on the floor, resting only his upper body on the bed, near Sakura. They held each other's hand tightly, as if their lives depended on it. Tear tracks marked their faces. Both were fast asleep.

Kurogane went over to them, crouching down and unconsciously cupping Fai's face with one hand. _So I guess you can talk to the hime about whatever's wrong,_ he thought. _Why is that? I wish you'd talk to me instead._ _Can't you do that instead?_ He felt that indescribable emotion again, but he tried to force it down. But he just couldn't imagine continuing their journey with this other Fai.

He wiped a stray tear from the mage's pale face. "Please…," he pleaded quietly, though he wasn't sure what exactly he was asking for.

"Sakura-hime seems to be okay," Syaoran said after checking the princess's leg and other wounds. "Okay, Mokona, we'll be in the other room. Good night."

"'Night!" And with this, Mokona snuggled near Sakura.

Syaoran glanced at Kurogane, who still knelt beside Fai, unmoving. "Kurogane-san… I'm sure things will work out…"

Kurogane stayed beside the mage a moment longer before standing. "I don't know, kid. He is apparently real interested in sad endings."

"'He'?" Syaoran repeated, confused.

"Kami-sama," Kurogane answered.

"Oh… I guess it does seem that way sometimes, doesn't it?"

Kurogane nodded. "Yeah. I never know whether or not I should have hope. I guess it's kind of pointless in the end though."

Syaoran sighed. "I guess."

* * *

"I'm glad to leave this place," Fai told Sakura the next morning as he helped her stand. "It really is a nightmarish world."

"Only to the people who've had nightmares here. But I agree."

"If we're going to leave your third feather here, then we're going to have to come back." Fai looked down. "I…don't know if I'll ever be ready to come back here."

"Or, maybe, when we come back, you _will_ be ready to come back. Maybe our nightmare will be over by then."

Fai managed a weak smile at the princess's hope. "Possibly."

Fai wordlessly passed Kurogane, face devoid of emotion. Sakura was not far behind, her face set with the exact same expression.

_Those two…,_ Kurogane thought to himself. _I just don't get it._

"Let's go," Sakura said.

Fai held out his hand. "Hime."

She took his hand. "Fai-san. The day will come for both of us, I'm sure."

"I wish I was as confident as you."

Kurogane frowned, wondering what exactly they were talking about. He turned away, unable to look at them.

Fai squeezed Sakura's hand as Mokona jumped into the air, sprouting wings. _Let me lean on you, just for a little while,_ he thought. _And I'll let you lean on me, until your nightmare ends. But…I'm afraid that mine will never end._

Sakura squeezed back and whispered, "We're coming…Syaoran-kun."

* * *

So how do you like it? I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE to receive reviews. Pretty please?

And for readers of my other story, Unrest, I might just be posting another chapter. a sequel of sorts... hmm hmmm hm.

Well anyway, thanks for reading and pleeaaase review?


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